A sharp slap on the wrong note brought the woman out of her daydream. Her fingers slid off the keys, hands settling in her lap. How long had she been sitting there?
Pulling the fallboard back down over the ivory, she pushed up to stand, quietly making her way out of the music room and locking the door behind her. It had been so long since she had snuck away to play that she had almost forgotten where she kept the key. Pulling her cloak tighter over her shoulders, she ambled back into her chambers and towards the bedroom.
As she settled into the cushioned seat in front of her vanity, two black eyes stared back at her. They were on her face, but they were not her own, not really, and yet she struggled to recall what they used to look like, or how it used to feel when she watched the bristles of her brush comb through her hair in the reflection. Her hands came up to pull out her earrings, hanging them up on the jewellery rack.
Suddenly, in the mirror, something large and white caught her eye behind her. It took her a moment to realise it was the sunset peeking out of the crack of her closed curtains. Her body was up before she knew it, and her hands settled on the soft fabric that covered the windows. Hesitation. She hadn’t opened them in months, hadn’t gazed upon the sun casting its glow over the sea for its final time in a day. Partly because she didn’t have time to, but also because she knew it wouldn’t be the same now.
She tugged the curtains apart.
Just as she expected, all she was met with was a cold, grey sky. She could tell by the way the different shades blended down towards the horizon, getting brighter and brighter as they neared the sun, that it would have been beautiful to watch. For the first time in a long time, Citrine felt a strange feeling settle in her chest; she was sad. She missed the sunset, missed watching the sky change colour as the light faded down. In fact, she missed all the colours. Her gardens were bland, her clothes were plain and there was no joy in it anymore.
All at once, she felt exhausted. Her body shifted to lean its weight onto the frame of the balcony door. What was she doing? Was it really worth it? No joy, no sadness. Nothing. Just an empty chill. And for what? So she could focus? Subconsciously, one of her hands made its way up her face, patting lightly under her eye, remembering the image of the black orbs that stared back at her in the mirror a moment ago. Would it truly be so terrible to feel something every once in a while?
For a moment, a sense of clarity washed over her, and she could almost swear she saw pinks and oranges begin to stain the sky again. Her heart fluttered with new energy, gradually reanimating the lifeless woman. It felt right. It felt good. She turned to peer into the suddenly very dark room behind her…and her eyes fell on the bed. The empty spot beside hers. With the shadows concealing them, the barriers of the room seemed to almost fade away entirely, giving an illusion that the room was much…much larger, and Citrine suddenly felt very alone. The feeling bubbled and so did her anxiety. She panicked. She didn’t want to feel that. She didn’t want to confront that anymore.
The clarity faded and the grey flooded her vision again. Her heart slowed to a normal pace.
The curtains were roughly drawn shut, and she strode to the bed. Pulling her dressing gown on, she hurried out of the room. Of course it was worth it. Her delicacy had already cost her precious moments. There was work to be done. The kingdom didn’t need someone to feel, they just needed someone to be.
And so she would be.
