comment post for "Star wars: a rose in the snow"

[aidoninja]

well, this is the comments post for my fanfic so you guys can tell me how bad/well i did, as i said its my first write and i want people to give me some constructive criticism or just comment on it

http://hollowworld.co.uk/threads/star-wars-a-rose-in-the-snow.31425/

 

[aidoninja]

made chapter 2. would like any comments, how good/bad i did and/or how i can improve.
cant improve if i dont know where im going wrong