Squidziod
LegendMystic
“
Out on the road today, I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice inside my head said:
Don’t look back, you can never look back
”
Out on the road today, I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice inside my head said:
Don’t look back, you can never look back
”
The past week has been one of the most intensely stressful of my entire life. I was presented with a situation which I was not prepared to deal with, and unfortunately I failed totally in meeting it. I really meant only the best, but my judgement led to the loss of meaningful friendships and the disintegration of the trust which others had in me. I should have recognized that the challenge demanded assistance from my Admin team, and I should have trusted them to give me that assistance. Instead, I made several serious errors as I vainly attempted to force my emotional perspective of what I thought was right. I have threatened my Admin with forced resignations, shut down their discourse, and thrown their advice aside. I accept blame and sole responsibility for these failures; my team are victims of my poor leadership.
This community has been hurt badly, and I while I desperately wish I was the person to unite it, I am not that person. As much as I want to make things right, to prove people wrong about me, my role is now to step aside and allow fresh leadership take over.
I am resigning as Owner of Hollowworld, and Lannis will be stepping up in my place. I will not be landing in any Admin or Staff position, instead I will transition into being a player while I familiarize Lannis with the technical side of being Owner.
As I make my exit, I would like to reflect on the quote above, which is how I began my tenure as Owner when I took over from Solus, one year ago. It is a verse from the 1984 single “The Boys of Summer” by Eagles drummer Don Henley, and it follows like this:
Out on the road today, I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice inside my head said:
“Don't look back, you can never look back”
I thought I knew what love was, what did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but…
“Deadheads” are followers of a band called the Grateful Dead, which attracted many followers from the Hippie Movement in the 60’s and 70’s. Hippies were generally opposed to the collection of status items and accumulation of wealth. In the mid 80’s, a Cadillac was synonymous with luxury—for a Deadhead sticker to be on this expensive automobile suggests not just hypocrisy, but also the denial which the driver is in. The owner of the Cadillac is yearning for something that he used to have in his youth, but is now out of touch with. Seeing this, reminds the narrator that he should not dwell on the past. He laments the things he thought he knew, but learned to be different, and he admits that what his heart aches for is gone forever. He knows he just should let it all go, but…
That single “but” at the end of the verse, shows us that he does not want to let it go, and that he hasn’t. The song transitions into the chorus and the rest of the song continues as he fantasizes about his romantic perspective of his past.
“The Boys of Summer” is a song which cautions attachment to the things which used to be. Seeking what we can not obtain will lead to unhappiness. I picked this quote when I took over as Owner because I had been part of this community for a little over eight years, and I had many memories which motivated me. I wanted to remind myself that I had to look forward and not back. I have always taken that philosophy to my leadership. I have not been afraid to change things, to take risks, and to challenge what Hollowworld was or could be. I’ve pushed for reform after reform of our staff structure, departments, and lore; I was trying to make things better, and greater. Along the way however, I’ve hurt people and I’ve let people get hurt. I’ve made all manner of mistakes, but I always tried not to look back, and I always tried to press us forward toward a future I could believe in. Now, it applies in a different way: I have tried and tried again to find myself as an effective and admirable leader. I believed earnestly in myself, and in those around me, thinking that I was always learning and always getting closer to being what I wanted to be. Unfortunately, I never got there, and for Hollowworld I never will. I have to admit that fact, I can’t be stuck chasing this thing I thought I saw but which I can’t find—it’s not fair for everyone else and it will only lead us to places like this again.
I do want to give credit though, to my Staff and Admin: we have done good work together even if it didn’t all go smoothly. It hasn’t all worked out of course, far from it as we’re all well aware, but despite this I still believe firmly in the future of this community. I want to thank the players, too, for all that they’ve put into this community in the form of feedback and creativity. You are the heart and soul of this place, and I hope your dedication to it can be renewed yet. I hope that, like myself, you can cast your gaze up the highway and see something in store for us yet. We do still have a future, and if I was a gambling man—which I am—I’d put a healthy wager on Hollowworld.
So, as hard as it is to accept that my leadership is not part of this future which I am so certain still remains, I do accept it, and I don’t look back.
Don’t look back Hollowworld, you can never look back.
– Jon
